I dread turning on the American news. Friends of mine (not only in America, where a close friend recently said "I cannot watch any news channel for longer than 30 seconds, CNN, MSNBC, FUX, or anything", but throughout Europe and in fact all over the world) and other sources all agree that the American media specifically portrays world events in such an inaccurate way as to distort the average viewer's perceptions of events, thereby taking away any possibility of an accurate and rational judgement to be made.

I was always under the impression that "The News," and the very art of journalism itself, existed for the purpose of providing Facts to the viewer; of presenting an impartial and balanced recollection of pertinent information related to Whats Going On outside the realm of our firsthand observations of the limited venue in which we live our daily lives. Unfortunately, that is not the current state of affairs.

I dread the announcement of American Press Conferences. Here they present a man whose power is so expansive that he could wipe out life on earth at a moment's notice. He stands akwardly behind the podium, lips dripping with the poisonous froth of deceipt. I shudder as the onslaught of lies begins.

As the torrent of inaccuracies slowly abates and eventually ebbs to a halt, I am astounded by the fact that as we return from The Big Liar to the "journalist" who is supposedly going to give us a balanced assessment of what just happened, the inaccuracies keep coming.

"Is this what I've allotted some of my valuable time for?" I ask myself.

The answer is obvious. I power off my Indoctrination Device (made by SHARP: removing the reasoning-center of your brain one painful stab at a time), get up, and head out for a long walk. I might as well enjoy Nature while there is still Nature to enjoy.



(Not applicable to residents of Baghdad: it is recommended, for your own personal safety, that you Stay In Your House to enjoy the freedom we have brought you.)